Five

OK. Now I’m worried. Dawn and Ben came to stay at the weekend, like normal. But it wasn’t normal. Mum and Dad were being really weird. Dad was going crazy with DIY. He’s pretty good at fixing stuff, but usually he does it for other people. If something breaks in our house, then it stays broken. For years, sometimes. Like the banisters, Dad started to strip the paint off them about two years ago. So, he took them all down and put them in a pile in the shed. And me and Ben thought they’d stay there forever. But this weekend, Dad sanded them all and put them back. And he fixed the cupboard door under the sink so that it shuts properly now. And he glued down the loose tiles in the bathroom. Serious, he was Bob the Builder all weekend.

And Mum?

Well, she started normal enough. We had to strip our beds and put on clean duvet covers (except for Ben, his bed gets made fresh every time he comes to stay because he sleeps on the camp bed). Changing the sheets happens every weekend. But then, she started on the laundry.

I don’t know if this is how everyone else does it, but in our house, the clean laundry lives in a huge basket on the floor in Mum and Dad’s bedroom. And when you want to wear something, you root around in the basket looking for it. When you find it, if it’s not too creased, you put it on. If it is creased then you tell Mum or Dad and they make a big fuss about getting out the ironing board and ironing it for you. And they wonder when you’ll be old enough to do your own hot-iron chores. And you smile at them and tell them they’re the best parents in the world. And they grin and say flattery will get you everywhere. And, finally, you’ll have an ironed shirt.

I don’t know if that’s how it is in your house, but that’s how it is in mine.
Anyway.

Yesterday, Mum got out the ironing board and ironed EVERYTHING in the basket. Even the pants and the tea-towels.

Dawn said we’d better get out of the house, as aliens had clearly taken over the bodies of our parents.

Still, at least I won’t stub my toe on loose tiles from now on. In my ironed socks.